stupid love story

well..no offense.just my opinion but i might change my perspective one day.still in progress..
stupid2 relationship and love thingy got people stuck in its cob web.Just one reminder.make your choice wisely.i don't know why.but i kept making the wrong choices.so i'm just going to wait and don't give a damn bout it.many years i'd been thinking.Life was beautiful before i make the wrong choices.and i meant choices.huhuhu...one of the wrong choices are not choosing anyone..it's kinda dumb but life goes on.
another choices...and many2 more choices make me sick.
so i make a stupid decision to play dumb and avoid anyone..
it's time to open up and i guess i apologize a lot.maybe it's this gut feeling pulling the guilt string..
heck i don't know what to do..gotta admit that this is childish..
please...no more choices..
just give me one right path..no more obstacles.no more wrong choices.no more pain..
i had enough..
blank and blur as i might seem..i carry this burden all this while..it hurts and i want it to go away..Alhamdulillah I have my friends with me..
FRIENDSHIP is more precious than any other..
above all..Love to God and family is a priority..
LOVE a person because he'she reminds me of Allah..
then..all my pain will go away

-Diet but +exercise

ok.Now i'm a bit worried.I know I'm a bit chubby but now I think I'm waaaay too chubby.Just because I was down with my mood.My weight gained!!!Argh.I'm not a diet freak kinda person.But I think my weight during my Matrix or 1st year is quite ideal for me.That will do.At least I could fit into M -normal lady size.not the plus size.I still could fi into normal size shirt but it is XL.haiya..malu ar.Want to go back to M.I'm sort after all.Don't want to look wierdamong my slim n tall friends.I' one of the shortest.huhu.Can't become taler but i don't want to be broader neither.So..i'm exercisng!!!!still can't do th diet thingy.cuz i love food.dun wanna get depress don't i.
i still can't skip my afternon nap.gotta work on it.so maybe I'll sleep earlier so that I might not sleep in the afternoon to coverup my sleep loss..hahahaha..kay wish me luck!!!!Hey i'm just a girl.wanna look attractive too u know..

changes should be done.

i'm tired of doing boring indor stuffs.so i'm going outdoor..yeay..barulah seswai dgn jiwaku ni..boring gle ngadap laptop tk tv..wah mcm org pencen je..out you go sal..p tasik n men dgn alat2 exercise yg cnggih manggih tu..pastu nak walk dlu..pastu jog....makin lame makin jauh sy jog..individual jog..pastu leh pinjam beskal utm gak..u cn do it sal..ooo lbhkan air kosong..xelok minum air manis..rase bdan cm malas je..xcm dlu..sal yg active bakal menjelma..siaplah korng..huhuhu..i'm getting myself back!!!!!!
i'm just reverting to the same old me..I hate the boring sal..dok indoor je.that's just not mua..

Clumsy me

I'm really devastated as I can't even operate a recordr properly.I had really let my friends don..stupid sal.You can't even do a simple task.Blaja tinggi2 tapi sgatlah clumsy.owiz get that.There's no use of being a smart-ass if you can't o basic things.felt realy downgraded and as usual i'd make a fool of myself and let everyone down.That's why I love individual work.at least I take the blame all on my own.group work.i'm just a stupid burden..sal bodoh...Hate this feeling.Hope to have indipendent field work.at least I won't feel this bad.If I made a mistake I'm going to swallow it alone.Now..I'm just a burden.I thnik my friends are sad or mad at me.One of my team mate said that the other will be mad at me.i know.I kept apologizing but there is no use.felt like crying now.
While on the bright side.One of our project is going fine.Thanks Zaki for your help.MPP kan??hehehehe..So glad that I knew him that he'll help me to promote our program.We we're not close but at least I knew a Malay guy who is responsible.Aki

Definition of Sayang kerana Allah

My definition is loving someone because of their faith in their religion.They are the person who is worth to respect on.But I could not find anyone that suits my definition.So, there is a twist to it.My love for a person is because he accept me for who i am and I will never felt like i was left out.He's gentle and kind and makes me think of beautiful things.I love that person that I want him to embrace Islam.Love Islam.Feel the advantages and peace of Islam.I have been thinking of this guy.At first I thought it was just a dream but then,The idea of Islam came into my mind.It will be wonderful if a great person with a good heart like his is an Islam.I want him to get the best of life even in his afterlife.Islam is the right path and I don't know what to do.I hope that his heart will open to Islam.I want him to love Islam on his own will not because of me.not because of my persuasion.It's because I'm not that knowledgeable in religion and I want him to lead the role of a person who could educate his wife.chewah..ayat last tu tak tahan.
I will try and try to make him to see the beauty of Islam adn may Allah opens his heart to see the beauty of Islam.I want the love that is based on religion.

My real crush.It's complicated and I never reveal the real person to anyone.don't intend to do so forever!!!!

well..I'm going to spill everything here and now.It's hard when you're in love with someone from different culture,religion,race,etc.I have to admit that I like Chinese guy and I kept falling in and out of love with them.This is hard as they are guys.I tend to shun my feelings away or just make a fool of myself.I tried and tried to like a Malay guy but I can't/how could I as I only have a handful of Malay guy friends and believe me we're not that close.I felt awkward and insecure whenver I'm with them.That is why I often go away or rather be alone.Maybe most of my guy friends are jerks..I don't like to be around them but it's different with the non-Malay.Our friendship are close and I felt safe.We talk about academics stuff and I really like them a lot.huhuhuhuhu..Gee still thinking whether I should confess and just take em into my life.I love him but he's not a Malay T_T..it's hard to ignore this feeling as I felt jealous when other girls talk to him.I felt so sad..This is my 3rd time that I'm denying my feelings to a non..huargh..i don;t think i could do it anymore.I could really let go of a Malay guy and my crush is history..I was only taking him as a shield so no 1 will notice this.I can't hide it anymore..Must I lose this guy for a Malay guy..I don't think so.and I don't find anyone worth it.I don't know why I can't find a Malay guy with the same wave length as mine.Whether they ignore me or avoid me.I felt really left out like i'm nothing.so sorry but this is my friendship with them.it never lasts and I don't think I like it or I would want to take a risk.They don't appreciate me.Maybe I'm different but the non doesn't treat me that way.even if I had a fight with them we'll be friends after that.
ps:i'm really devastated right now.Ya Allah bukalah pintu hatiku untuk lelaki yang sepatutnya.Kalau dialah jodoh saya..Bukalah pintu hatinya untuk masuk Islam.Saya tak berani nak buat apa2..T_T

another holiday spree...more than 3 months to be exact

phew..what a horrondeous sem it was.next sem will be my 4th year in UTM.
I'll be out in the real world rel soon.been thinking and cracking my head .for the time being I'm not going to plunge into teaching high school students. i might work on somethng else..maybe i'll take a leave or venture into other fields..or maybe even into tertiary level education as I'm not tied with any contracts..huhuhuhu..
for my 3 months holiday, I want to live my life to the fullest.meet my friends..hey guys if u see this..let me know when we could hook up..hahaha..lost some of my friends number..dammit that hp..it's ok.maybe xda jodoh..I'll be spending my time with syaf.we'll be going for a jog at taman jubli perak..any espian...come n join us...don't think it'll take off your pounds...we'll just end up snacking after the jog..what matters most is the time I spend with my friends..

holidaying

yeah3...tmrrow we'll go to malacca...huhuhuhu..owh n my bro's friend...hisyam n zuhdi will b tagging along..imagen those guys...hving fun i genting later on..it'll b a havoc..smetymes i'll join them plying bdminton or video gaming..remind me of those days where i was hvng fun with my buddies..but now evry1 has grown up..thy perfer to do other stuffs..but i still prefer to play teng2,galah panjang,polis entry,konda kondi,bdminton,gaming like there's no tmrow..hehehe..collecting bugs.,.yeah...i remember scaring off grls with dead cockroach..honestly..i freakin hate those damn cockroaches..but bcoz thy're dead n nt mvin tats y i hve the guts to fool around by scaring off others with it..hehehehe..i owiz consider myself as macho cuz i do beat the sunlight off any guys..anyway i'm used to it n thy know not to pick up a fght with me..but now..all they do is disturb me..smetymnes it's ok but smetymes i thnk it's just too annoying...that's y i rather b alone..huhuhu..owh as usual i wrote smethng out of the topic..but just smethng that i felt realated to..hehehehe..that's me..well...sayonara...happy holiday..hohohohohoho...

farewell Miao2...

today...24th November 2009...my mom asked me,aiman,zuhdi n hisyam to place Miao2 smewhere else..well..it's a long story...i dunno how Miao2 thought we were its owner...it cme to our house evryday n we played n feed it like it was ours..i deeply missed Miao2 so2 much..it's like a friend to me...i felt happy when it's around..but Miao2 gve birt to 4 lil kittens n tried to enter our house several tymes...my mom is afraid of cats..huhuhuhu..but she did took cre of it by whipping up smethng fr i to feed on..we placed Miao2 near SKPJ area infront of smeone's house..we hope that Miao2 n its 4 lil kittens will b safe there..I wosh i cud keep a pet but i hve resdung..so tough luck..i cnt...but..well2..even in utm i hve my very own pets..i think almost all cats are my pets..hehehehe...Neng has grown old though..i'm applying to stay at KDSE nxt sem..hope i'll find mre cats or kittens there to accompany me..new friends as well..eventhough i felt like i dun wanna go bck to utm but..i missed my friends n my lecturers..i'm gonna meet up with Puan Tina to tell her bout my practical experiences...she's my idol..i want to b like her...n i adore her books collection..she owiz share her books with us along with her great ideas..sme of her books cudnt b found anywhere...she hd her friends fr oversea to search fr it..it tooks years to search fr the significant book..i believe that if u hv passion fr smethng,..waitng it fr yrs is a satisfaction when u get what u want..she told me that i remind her of her when she's studying..we work really hard fr anythng but we din bother bout the grades..it's the experience whch is precious...i wish i could change Malaysia's stereotype thnking..that grades are evrythng..it's not..owh..my philosophy...no homework fr stdnts but..thy really hve to work evrythng out in school...

Phuket

ow i just cme bck fr phuket..one word...prostitution..omg..i dunno what to say...hate to admit it..i dun like phuket anymre..been there once in the yr 2002..it as nce thou...the beach..but this tyme..ow the bit#$s..there were also mat salleh that went topless...my eyes almost fell out of its socket..haiya..ths is the last visit to phuket..nxt stop myb hong kong or australia...Bali???no i dun thnk so...ow i hd been to hong kong once in the yr 2001...but dring tat tyme there was no Disneyland..lookin frwrd to go there..heheheh..but it's hard to find halal food..there are exotic food thou..cre fr a rat rum..huhuhuhu..u shud really watch out when u pass by the hwkers..feast ur eyes on the exotic food..it mkes me wanna puke..n poor little critters thou...

PS:as fr my honeymoon...i have ROme or Italy on my mind..the reason y i chose these plces are bcoz of their historical buildng n arts...their architecture r splendid too...better sve sme money...

my teaching practical in general

i'd just browse through my previous post..
hell yeah i trembled on my frst day..Abu noticed it..menyibuk je,...
i lied to him n said that i havent had my breakfst,..that fella ask me to hve lunch with him but i decline...mcm pak cik jer...he's one of my closest companion in that school n he distrbed me evrtyme he met me...
i like him a lot and pity him..i hit,pinch,shouted at him mre than any1 else..sape suruh nakal n usik cgu sgat...he smetymes offer me food..i thnk tat he's concern with my trembling cuz he owiz shout to me if we're far apart like..."cgu...cgu dah makan?"..aioy embarassing..sume org tgok sy....well2 all well ends well..
my stdnts improved their english drastically...it started out tat thy wnted to impress me n thy really crave fr my attention...it took a long tyme b4 thy develope to love english intrinsically...i owiz tell them the benefits..to top that up...i'll tell them i love them...thy really appreciate it..on the last day,i ntce that Abu cried...he was stnding outsde of the class..n i mmg mati akal..dunno what to do..so..i persuade him to take a pic with me...he was happy fr a while..pastu he cries n sit besides me...man..it was emotional...he gve excuse that his eyes is watery bcoz of refction...n it was dark outside...kids..hehehehe...thy r adorable...
im happy that many of my stdnts told me that i inspired them..i'm close to them tat their families knew me too....i miss thm badly n trying hard not to cry but i'm just human...ok guuuuuuuuuuys....meet u up next sem..this is an order..hehehehe..

ps:i cn imagen them saying...yes boss with their hands gving me a salute..tats what they did..hehehehehe...childish...

my teaching practical experiences

OMG..how am i going to start it..
okay..i'll start it wit the first day of class..my hand trembles...students notice tat..
sme of them comfort me to be calm..the class was like a jungle...thy were jumping,running in n out of the class...smetmes many of them went missing..
a guy student even snatch the books tat i was collecting n he ask me to take it away fr him..he hid it behind him..i had to chase him..the guy students were so naughty n cheeky..i almost cried.
they call me sayang,dear n many more..i just wana quit..not to say i was always caught in a middle of a fight..i mean 3,4....more....huhuhuhuhu..man it's hard..
but now they r cool..
ya teenagers..they cud be restless n thy just cnt sit quiet fr a sec..i had to cme out wit a lot of games n activities too keep them busy n it works..
i,m flattered that many students knw me..even form 3 stdnts..im teachng form 4 stdnts..
i admit tat im still chldish n u cn caught me chit chatting about games,songs,love n even their probs..
some of the studnts reveal their deepest n darkest secret too me n i was astonished..god bless tat studnt..i advice him a lot...n he just smile..i don't know tat guys cud be tat open to me..ya..im a secret keeper n i even back up fr my stdnts..
thy get into troubles n thy r very rebellious too.
but deep dwn inside thy r just a child n i wasnt expected tat thy will feel touch by my advce..these r the experiences tat i wont frget...n im also their ustazah,math n scince teacher..hehehehe..i teach them other thngs secretly...especially on religion..thy refr to me fr any religious inquiries..
i hope tat after my practical, they will chnge into a good n civilize citizens..
they r just lost..to thnk of it..i felt bad tat i almost gave up on them..
they r the best n it's been a while since i laugh..hehehehee.n most of all..i dont like male accompanies n ths experience seems to open me up to guys.they r not tat bad..i had sme traumatic experiences tat makes me avoid guys..but now i cn approach them...students la..i enjoy chatting wit them..ths might not seem appropriate but my stdnts learn a lot fr me..new vocabs n info..i learn a lot fr them too..tat is not to look dwn on others..im such a peacock smetmes...i was relly depress fr all this while...too many pressure..mind my language...i just write evrythng out n i know it wont seem grammatical..hehehehe..it's just the way i express myself..

my future teachng practice

next sem will b my teachng practical...
i'm excited n at the same tyme scared..better brush up on my grammar n all these short form..
fr the timebeing i'll write it my way..hahaha..
i'm excited to go bck to school but in johore la..during school days i was somewhat dull
n mybe ok smetymes with my buddies...miss the old days...
i got a feeling tat it'll b smethng excitng n i'll take all the challenges thrown to me..
i 'll try to b a good teacher n i hope that thy'll like me...
now my prob is tat i dun hve baju kurung..hehehehe..so call telian eh..i wore t shrt n jeans most of the tyme..
nw i'm struggling to collect baju kurung fr my practical...
thnx god i dun hv to wear heals or i'll make a fool of myself falling infront of my students..
gosh i'll b teachng secondary school students...i use to outsmart my practical teacher during my school days..wat goes around cmes bck around...i love to ask questions to test them n i thnk i mght experience it..if not..then, alhamdulillah...hehehehe..
well wish me luck...i'm getting myself mentally n phsically ready fr the practical...

turning a new leaf

alhamdulillah..after few weeks of depressions which I kind of cast myself as far as i cud get fr the society..i didn't go online nor did i bother to top up my creds smetmes...
i made up my mind after 7 yrs of devotion to a guy who will never knew my feelings n i bet he still thnks i hate him by the wy i treated him n oso others...
let me tell u guys bout my life fr the past few years...
ever since i was a little girl i always get bullied n a target cuz i was diffrnt..i look diff,speaks wit a weird accent..dun blame me...i'm just a child..those tormented yrs i'd been thru..i wasnt smart..so sme girls will shove me n poke my head...i was an outcast...it was a chnging point wen my academic achievements escalated..i have friends..n smehw i bcme quite abusive..i wanted to win n i wont bck out..people still disturb me cuz i thnk cuz i'm schema or sme sort..owiz givng others a piece of my mind..heheheh..even i uni sme even col me mak nenek..mak cik..mak cmua..i learn fr the best..hehehehe..n he's a guy...my happiest moment is when i step into 2B..tat was a high achiever class...i felt like i was accepted..eventhou smetmes there will b quarels..i dun thnk any1 remember me thou..i wasnt that friendly bck then but i get involve n commited as a memeber oif the class n proud of them..if they only knew..hehehe..as usual my academic level was ok..sme competition n owiz get beat by the same guy over n over again in academic..it was fun...i love competition n tats hw i get all suit up n stuff..but then those spirit just fade away..even now i dun think i hv the spirit i did during my school days..all the sufferings did me rght..em i cn say i alwys get my frst choice..fr example..my matrix choice n oso uni...n my major..i have it all..attentions..sme luxury life i'm living..i get what i want...n i earn it fr my hardwork...all number 1.....tats my fav num...1..fr evrythng...but i'm a loser n my love life..number 1 loser..i'd been thnking tat i had to stoop up n build my life again fr scratch n this time i'm going to do it rght..strting of by frgetting the frst person i admired n i mention him most of the time in my post..well i cn try to frget him but i'll still practice n cherish the good values in him..he's a mischiveous boy u know...boys will b boys...so i dun mind at all..i dun like people judging him...fr tat i started to throw away my prejudice twards boys tat they r jerks..not all of them r..but i know i wont find another guy like him..ever..this post is dedicated to u...wherever u r..hope u r living a good life...i'll pray fr u..be a good boy..hehehehe..dun b cheeky cuz smetmes u act tat way....

smethng tat i cn think about...

sorry guys..the wifi sux..i'm writng this in a rush..
frst of all..thnx farah...i nver knew tat i inspired u to write a story bout my life...
interesting eh...hehehehe..cnt wait fr the outcomes..just dun write some of the sad one k...
or i'll cry..hehehehe...em..siriusly..mybe i'll write my version...there must b different point of view fr me n u..
oh jgan lupe..tmbah2..nt org bole detect..die..hehhehe..i thnk nvermindla..evry1 is matured enough...
oh well i cnt wait to read it..this is fr u farah.....
u love using yusuf's name..hehehe..hensem kan...bole je..hati kene hensem gak..tats wats matter..
er ur so brave telling bout ur feelings in ur blog..i wana do it too...but dun hve the courage..but hell yeah i'm just like u..talking bout tat guy 24-7 cm xda laki len kat dunia ni....
fell head over heels n hopelessly in love..
i was so2 stuppid tat i fake my fall ta 1 tme i bump my head real hard..tat wasnt according to plan...it hurts n i was dizzy..tp xpe..hero ada..i just shoo him away as usual..but he notice me...tats wat i want..tu je...not more..
my feelings twards him is a mixture of love,inferior,respect,sympathy,inspiration n etc...byak sgat..huhuhuhuuu..he was my evrything n he chnge my view twards guy..i owiz thnk guys r jerk but he chnge me...tats y i said my love twards him was base on respect....
aku tabik spring kat die n i was so touch tat i almost cry..siriusly..he's sincere..i wana b like him..but y do i felt hurt evrytme i try to b like him..
oh well i'm livng in his shadow..siriusly sme of my attitude is just like him..strted out imitating him..i chnge myself so i cn feel wat he felt n it's just a part of me rght nw..so i cnt really throw him away fr my thoughts...but hey..he made me strong..hanyya allah yg tau hw i felt..i did regret knowong tat guy n tot i shud go to boarding skul je dulu but i stay at tat skul...he chnge me...i will gve the whole world to him n stay true but wei....smapi bile...i'm still trying..n smetimes i do thnk of him a lot..miss him.......

My teaching inspiration..

This is something quite academic but i want to share my point of view about the lecturer who inspires me..The lecturer taught me Language Learning Theories last semester(2008/2009). The reason that I chose him is because of his techniques when delivering his lectures. I think that everyone will agree with me that he is a nice person and understanding but he is one of the lecturers that gave me the shivers. It is a weird but I found myself trying to improve my grammar even more in his class and especially when I wanted to start a conversation with him, I will first rehearse my speech so that there will be no grammar mistakes. All of these anxieties are actually giving me the positive effects.

Some of the lecturers’ attitudes that I respected the most are his punctuality whether it is for his class attendance or assignments submission. I had to admit that I am not a very punctual person and had my marks deducted for late assignments submission. I learnt my lesson and still trying to be punctual and discipline in the future. Actually all of these characteristics can be found especially in all TESL lecturers. I found them to be more punctual and discipline and most of all give fair assessments which take records not only on our academic achievements but also our efforts too. These are few of the criteria which I noted from my observation of TESL lecturers in general and I hope that I can become a future educator with those qualities too.

He uses the communicative language teaching approach when he taught us. This is because besides conducting typical lectures where we just hear everything, he’ll get us involve with few class activities. In most of the lesson that he conducted, he will ask for our opinion on the topic that he taught for the day. In addition, he will also give comments whether we are on the right track or not. It is more to independent study because he told us that he will teach us how to fish so that we can fish for ourselves. He wanted us to think independently and not only spoon feed from the lectures. He encourages us to give out our opinion even if it does not agree with the theories that he taught. We have the freedom to give out our opinions. This is the best part that I love in his lesson because during school lesson, we are more trained to be exam oriented and we have to follow the schema to answer certain questions. I don’t get the opportunities to give my opinion on it and just follow or memorize the answers. I think this act is like narrowing our mind because students can’t express their opinion.

He uses several techniques when he teach us and we get some of the techniques and skills from him to be a good teacher. When we want to voice out our opinion in the class, he will move away from the student so that the student can throw out his/her voice so that everyone in the class can hear the opinion clearly. Other than that, when he comments on our opinion or our presentation, he did it in a good way so that even we did something wrong, he didn’t just straight away point it out which might lower ourselves esteem in an instance. This approach that he used motivates me to do better and sometimes I will do extra reading on some topics so that I can voice out my opinion and have some knowledge about the current language learning theories and also some of the pros and contras.

The way he assess us was very effective. We know our weaknesses and strengths so that we can improve ourselves. He also uses peer assessment when evaluate us because he wants everyone to contribute in a group project and I think this assessment is fair enough. He tells us how he assesses us so that we have a clear guide on how to get higher carrying marks. We know the criteria to get certain marks and grades from him. I like the way he comments on us after our presentation both individually and also as a whole group. This shows that he really gave attention to our effort because most of the time he will highlight our strengths and that is the reason I just can’t wait for the part where he commented us. I think most of my course mate will agree that this is the part where we waited the most. I really pay attention to all of his comments not only for me but also for my fellow course mate too. I note down some tips he gave us.

Overall, I am really satisfied with his teaching style and the only recommendation is that sometimes we get bored during the lesson especially the one which is during the evenings. He sometimes gave us long lectures because there are just too many inputs. He had to do it so that we can cover our topics and go on with our assignments to accomplish his subject. But that is just a small sacrifice that we had to make to get the best of his lesson and I really enjoy any lesson not only his where the lecturers gave us real life experiences as tips for our teaching guidance in the future.

sorry but i'm still in the process to brush up on my grammar. I hope that in the future i'll be able to write without any errors but in the mean time i'm concentrating on meaning..
please give me some feedback and i really appreciate any comments both positive and negative.I'll use it to improve myself.thank you..

teenage nowadays

oh well here goes..it really disapoint me that teenagers nowadays r really rebellious..
i thought that my highschool days suck but i was wrong..
it turn out they r better than what i heard fr the outside..
thay turn out to be good citizen n finally thnk god they r matured enough to think bout their future n most of all others feeling too..bet u guys knew bout the goin to gigs,pub n watsoever phenomena n i'm really surprise to know tat people involving in this kinda stuff r from educated people too nt to add to other kinda people who hd already gve up on edu..it's not the end of the world n why r they partying off like tat..gone thru a lil investigation on my own..thy said tat it's their freedom n they want to enjoy..
n i was thinking wat if they end up with accident in an early age n they had to tyme to redeem their mistake..remember ..living is only temporary n u had to deal with it in the after world which is eternity...
y waste ur life on somethng which is deteriorating ur own souls n not to say ur pride..
i'm really concern especially fr the girls..if they get involve they'll be wat do say it..ermmm "not clean"..n tats the worse thng tat could happen to a girl..n guys will just walk away.just touch n go...last word from me is that it doesnt matter if we din know each other n it wont hurt if each n evry1 of us gve advice to our friend cuz we're meant to help each other fr beter or worse..
hope a piece of my mind will get evry1 thnking bout wat we've done b4 it's too late...