stupid love story

well..no offense.just my opinion but i might change my perspective one day.still in progress..
stupid2 relationship and love thingy got people stuck in its cob web.Just one reminder.make your choice wisely.i don't know why.but i kept making the wrong choices.so i'm just going to wait and don't give a damn bout it.many years i'd been thinking.Life was beautiful before i make the wrong choices.and i meant choices.huhuhu...one of the wrong choices are not choosing anyone..it's kinda dumb but life goes on.
another choices...and many2 more choices make me sick.
so i make a stupid decision to play dumb and avoid anyone..
it's time to open up and i guess i apologize a lot.maybe it's this gut feeling pulling the guilt string..
heck i don't know what to do..gotta admit that this is childish..
please...no more choices..
just give me one right path..no more obstacles.no more wrong choices.no more pain..
i had enough..
blank and blur as i might seem..i carry this burden all this while..it hurts and i want it to go away..Alhamdulillah I have my friends with me..
FRIENDSHIP is more precious than any other..
above all..Love to God and family is a priority..
LOVE a person because he'she reminds me of Allah..
then..all my pain will go away

-Diet but +exercise

ok.Now i'm a bit worried.I know I'm a bit chubby but now I think I'm waaaay too chubby.Just because I was down with my mood.My weight gained!!!Argh.I'm not a diet freak kinda person.But I think my weight during my Matrix or 1st year is quite ideal for me.That will do.At least I could fit into M -normal lady size.not the plus size.I still could fi into normal size shirt but it is XL.haiya..malu ar.Want to go back to M.I'm sort after all.Don't want to look wierdamong my slim n tall friends.I' one of the shortest.huhu.Can't become taler but i don't want to be broader neither.So..i'm exercisng!!!!still can't do th diet thingy.cuz i love food.dun wanna get depress don't i.
i still can't skip my afternon nap.gotta work on it.so maybe I'll sleep earlier so that I might not sleep in the afternoon to coverup my sleep loss..hahahaha..kay wish me luck!!!!Hey i'm just a girl.wanna look attractive too u know..

changes should be done.

i'm tired of doing boring indor stuffs.so i'm going outdoor..yeay..barulah seswai dgn jiwaku ni..boring gle ngadap laptop tk tv..wah mcm org pencen je..out you go sal..p tasik n men dgn alat2 exercise yg cnggih manggih tu..pastu nak walk dlu..pastu jog....makin lame makin jauh sy jog..individual jog..pastu leh pinjam beskal utm gak..u cn do it sal..ooo lbhkan air kosong..xelok minum air manis..rase bdan cm malas je..xcm dlu..sal yg active bakal menjelma..siaplah korng..huhuhu..i'm getting myself back!!!!!!
i'm just reverting to the same old me..I hate the boring sal..dok indoor je.that's just not mua..

Clumsy me

I'm really devastated as I can't even operate a recordr properly.I had really let my friends don..stupid sal.You can't even do a simple task.Blaja tinggi2 tapi sgatlah clumsy.owiz get that.There's no use of being a smart-ass if you can't o basic things.felt realy downgraded and as usual i'd make a fool of myself and let everyone down.That's why I love individual work.at least I take the blame all on my own.group work.i'm just a stupid burden..sal bodoh...Hate this feeling.Hope to have indipendent field work.at least I won't feel this bad.If I made a mistake I'm going to swallow it alone.Now..I'm just a burden.I thnik my friends are sad or mad at me.One of my team mate said that the other will be mad at me.i know.I kept apologizing but there is no use.felt like crying now.
While on the bright side.One of our project is going fine.Thanks Zaki for your help.MPP kan??hehehehe..So glad that I knew him that he'll help me to promote our program.We we're not close but at least I knew a Malay guy who is responsible.Aki

Definition of Sayang kerana Allah

My definition is loving someone because of their faith in their religion.They are the person who is worth to respect on.But I could not find anyone that suits my definition.So, there is a twist to it.My love for a person is because he accept me for who i am and I will never felt like i was left out.He's gentle and kind and makes me think of beautiful things.I love that person that I want him to embrace Islam.Love Islam.Feel the advantages and peace of Islam.I have been thinking of this guy.At first I thought it was just a dream but then,The idea of Islam came into my mind.It will be wonderful if a great person with a good heart like his is an Islam.I want him to get the best of life even in his afterlife.Islam is the right path and I don't know what to do.I hope that his heart will open to Islam.I want him to love Islam on his own will not because of me.not because of my persuasion.It's because I'm not that knowledgeable in religion and I want him to lead the role of a person who could educate his wife.chewah..ayat last tu tak tahan.
I will try and try to make him to see the beauty of Islam adn may Allah opens his heart to see the beauty of Islam.I want the love that is based on religion.

My real crush.It's complicated and I never reveal the real person to anyone.don't intend to do so forever!!!!

well..I'm going to spill everything here and now.It's hard when you're in love with someone from different culture,religion,race,etc.I have to admit that I like Chinese guy and I kept falling in and out of love with them.This is hard as they are guys.I tend to shun my feelings away or just make a fool of myself.I tried and tried to like a Malay guy but I can't/how could I as I only have a handful of Malay guy friends and believe me we're not that close.I felt awkward and insecure whenver I'm with them.That is why I often go away or rather be alone.Maybe most of my guy friends are jerks..I don't like to be around them but it's different with the non-Malay.Our friendship are close and I felt safe.We talk about academics stuff and I really like them a lot.huhuhuhuhu..Gee still thinking whether I should confess and just take em into my life.I love him but he's not a Malay T_T..it's hard to ignore this feeling as I felt jealous when other girls talk to him.I felt so sad..This is my 3rd time that I'm denying my feelings to a non..huargh..i don;t think i could do it anymore.I could really let go of a Malay guy and my crush is history..I was only taking him as a shield so no 1 will notice this.I can't hide it anymore..Must I lose this guy for a Malay guy..I don't think so.and I don't find anyone worth it.I don't know why I can't find a Malay guy with the same wave length as mine.Whether they ignore me or avoid me.I felt really left out like i'm nothing.so sorry but this is my friendship with them.it never lasts and I don't think I like it or I would want to take a risk.They don't appreciate me.Maybe I'm different but the non doesn't treat me that way.even if I had a fight with them we'll be friends after that.
ps:i'm really devastated right now.Ya Allah bukalah pintu hatiku untuk lelaki yang sepatutnya.Kalau dialah jodoh saya..Bukalah pintu hatinya untuk masuk Islam.Saya tak berani nak buat apa2..T_T

another holiday spree...more than 3 months to be exact

phew..what a horrondeous sem it was.next sem will be my 4th year in UTM.
I'll be out in the real world rel soon.been thinking and cracking my head .for the time being I'm not going to plunge into teaching high school students. i might work on somethng else..maybe i'll take a leave or venture into other fields..or maybe even into tertiary level education as I'm not tied with any contracts..huhuhuhu..
for my 3 months holiday, I want to live my life to the fullest.meet my friends..hey guys if u see this..let me know when we could hook up..hahaha..lost some of my friends number..dammit that hp..it's ok.maybe xda jodoh..I'll be spending my time with syaf.we'll be going for a jog at taman jubli perak..any espian...come n join us...don't think it'll take off your pounds...we'll just end up snacking after the jog..what matters most is the time I spend with my friends..